Musical Wheaten's contest by Rachim4
by rachim4
Summary: MusicalWheaten's Contest: You Couldn't Feel The Light. Nina Martin. Age 16. Clinical Depression and Cutter. What happens when the person she cares about most betrays her. Will it bring back old thoughts. Rated T for cutting.


_**You Couldn't Feel The Light**_

**A one shot for Wrong Side Of Life also Musical Wheaten on tumblr. Disclaimer I don't own HOA nor I made the video this is based off of.**

**Nina's POV:**

Few... That was close! I had just went to the library to get some fresh air when Victor came in. There was someone else there too. Someone shady. That's when I had an epiphany about the task we had to do. I sprint straight up to Amber panting telling her about the next clue. I had to tell Fabian. We could finally solve the next clue in the tunnel.

I push back the curtains revealing an unpleasant sight. Fabian kissing Joy... The boy I liked was kissing another girl. Even though we were broken up I still liked him. I never wanted to break up. He knows how I feel about him. I hope? Does he know that I wish that I was her? That I wanted him to hold me, that way he held me in the secret study, all the time. My head perfectly adjusted on his shoulder. Fabian and I had something going on everyone knew was there. Maybe we aren't dating but we act like we want to be. At least I did. I wanted to be back with Fabian. But I guess he doesn't feel the same.

I then see him look up as I shake my head. It's too late. He's in shock as I leave the room in tears.

"Hey rainy face. What's wrong?" Amber asked popping out from the bathroom.

"He... She... and they..." I tried to say tears rolling down my face.

"Bullet points!" She expressed trying to get it out of me.

"Fabian kissed Joy." I replied still as her mouth dropped.

I let out a few more tears and continue, "I need you to do something for me."

Amber just stands there waiting for me to finish. "Just don't let Fabian come find me. I need to be alone"

She nods in agreement. Once she does that, I dart off in tears crying my eyes out. I can't believe he did that. After all we've been through. I told him everything. Even about the... I ran inside the house, to the kitchen, locking the door. I pull up my sheer sleeve to reveal several scars. Cutting scars... Yes I'm a cutter and this is why I don't want Fabian coming to get me.

Ever since my parent's had died I was in a state of depression. I tried being happy around my friends but inside I was a screaming girl wanting to die herself. I used to think it was my fault that they died. I should not live. Some people in school nicknamed me 'Murderer'. Then I learned from a friend about cutting around 7th grade. A way to release all the pain built up inside. So I tried it. After a few weeks I was hooked. A few small cuts here and there. Everyday I'd wear long sleeves. My Gran would ask me "Isn't it 80 degree's out? Why are you wearing long sleeves?" I just replied "It's the new trend Gran everyone's doing it." When we went to the pool I never went in. I told the friends that did not know that I saw this video of germs in a pool environment and have been grossed out ever since.

Only one knew the real reason. The girl who told me about cutting. Soon I was doing it in school. I would say I have to go to the bathroom when in reality I just wanted one cut. Soon other people started getting suspicious. I knew they were catching on. That's when this scholarship came up to go to a British Boarding School. I decided to take it because it would be fun and I could leave this place.

Once I arrived and met these people I didn't cut as much. Soon it all got to me... Sarah... The Cup... Fabian... It was all too much. I got up one morning early, with my lucky knife, and headed towards the bathroom. I went in pulled up my long sleeves to reveal the scars from past. I gently sliced my arm trying to hold back all the tears and the pain. As I let the blood draw the door opened.

It was Fabian.

"Nina?" He asked shutting the door quietly and locking it. He could see all the tears and the scars. He grabbed my knife out of my hand as I fought for it back.

"Fabian you don't understand!" I cried out.

"You are cutting yourself! Since when...?"

I kept my mouth shut. I lunged forward to Fabian trying to grab my knife but he was too quick. He placed it in his sweatpants pocket and looked at me.

"Nina... We can get through this just tell me..."

So I told him the story. How I felt like it was always my fault. People teasing me. Cutting was the only way to release the guilt. After I was done I waited to see how he would re-act. Like most people they would get scared and leave me. Or just not care and leave. But Fabian stayed. He put one arm around me and pulled me close. "Don't do that to yourself. You have people who care about you and love you. Please... Stop this... It's only just going to hurt." I cried on his shoulder not wanting to talk. "Look Nina. We can get through this together. I will always be here no matter what... You can trust me..." He whispered stroking my hair with his hands.

That's why this kiss just means so much to me. We have something so special and now he just throws it away. "Do it Nina... Do it... He broke your heart. He doesn't love you..." Sehnkara whispered a bunch of times making it ring though my ears. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I rummage through the drawers to find a knife. This will be the first time I've cut since the talk with Fabian.

**Fabian POV:**

Oh my god what have I done... I have just kissed Joy Mercer. I was looking for Nina all night after she went for her walk then I saw a girl. Same Dress Same Mask. I was worried sick for her maybe cause she might be going to die... Then this girl kisses me out of nowhere. Then I look behind her and I see Nina. I realize I wasn't kissing Nina. It was someone else. The look on her face was like a knife into my heart. Joy took off her mask looking happy and satisfied. I didn't care. I tried running after her knowing what she does when she's depressed.

I get to Amber and ask fast as possible, "You talk to Nina?"

She slaps me in response.

"It was an accident!" I yelled tears almost coming out of my eyes.

"You fell on Joy's lips did you?" She bantered back.

"No... No... Amber... I can explain I just really need to talk to Nina." I tried to tell her and get past her.

"She's not at the house... She's in here." Amber points to the bathroom.

I try to run in but she blocks me. "You are not going in the girl's toilet not now! Not ever!"

"Amber... Look... I really need to talk to her... It's not just about the kiss. I'm worried she's in danger... When Nina gets sad or depressed she starts... cutting herself and I can't let her do that. I'm...just... glad she's behind that door and not anywhere near the house." I spoke out slowly.

"Um... She's not behind this door." Amber said quickly realizing it was bad.

"What?" I asked shocked.

"I didn't know she was going to cut herself!" Amber told me raising her hands.

"Stay here! Don't get anyone else and don't tell ANYONE ELSE! I have to do this..." I told her rushing out of the building.

**Nina POV:**

A few cuts here and there and my arm was bleeding all the way down. I forgot to lock the door again. It's not like it mattered. No one was here to hear my tears and cry of pain. I look down to see a tiny pool of blood and tears I left. I laid my head against the bottom of the sink hiding all the tears that fell.

"Nina!" Fabian yelled opening the door seeing me in this horrid state. Pale, bloody from the cuts, crying, and my hair a mess. He locked the door and grabbed the gauze wrap out of the cabinet.

"Amber told you..." I whispered trying not to look at him.

"Nina... Look I'm sorry I kissed Joy... I thought it was you... She had the same dress and mask. I was looking for you all over the place once you left for your 'walk'. She gave me no time and kissed me right then and there. I'm sorry!" He told me gently wrapping the gauze around my cuts. "Why Nina...? Why did you do this...?" he asked looking at me with those blue eyes.

"I don't know... I guess I was just sad and mad... I was mad at you and myself. I should of never left..." I murmured trying to get the words out.

"Give me the knife..." He whispered gently pulling it from my hand.

"No..!" I yelled at him pulling it back.

"GIVE!" He yelled pulling it out of my grasp throwing it in the trash.

"No! Fabian! I need that!" I yelled as he pulled me close him as I calmed down.

"Nina you're getting paler. How many times did you cut yourself?" He asked rubbing my back.

"Like 5 or 6... then I just let it run..." I cried out leaking tears on his tux.

"Nina... Don't ever do this again. You promised. There are people that love you and care about you.. I care about you... And I'm really sorry for kissing Joy..." He told me again pulling me closer trying to make sure it didn't hurt.

"Thanks for not leaving... And I promise I won't cut again. But I will need help..." I asked gazing into his eyes.

"Don't worry... You have me and Amber..." He choked out the Amber part. He... told Amber. "I'm sorry I told her... She wouldn't let me go see you! She's very forceful."

"It's okay... I think I'm ready to come clean..." I injected chuckling a bit.

_***3 months later in a group therapy session out of town***_

"Hi I'm Nina Martin. I have clinical depression and I have been cutting myself for about 4 years."

**THE END. Hope it's you liked it or cried. OR did both. Rate and Review!**


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